I Love My Ex Boyfriend

Love isn’t always warm and fuzzy…

You know that feeling you get when your ex calls you? Their name pops up and you just stare and think about whether or not to answer. Well, I answered.

I didn’t even want to talk to him. I never even think about him anymore. He’s really just a memory, but I felt like this was going to be important, so I answered with an uninterested “Hello.” 

He rambled for ten minutes, as usual, without letting me get a word in, and as soon as I was tuned out thinking about how glad I was that we weren’t together, he changed his tone. 

He apologized and thanked me…at the same time. I remained silent and let him explain. 

He told me about the new girl he was dating, which didn’t sting me like it used to. He told me how great he was to her. 

Wow, thanks for letting me know how much better you are to her than you ever were to me.

Then he said he was sorry. He said he felt terrible for never giving me the love I needed and for treating me so terribly when all I ever wanted was love. He said the reason he was so good to her is because he loved her the way I always wanted him to love me. I immediately started crying and let him continue to spill his heart out.

He said I taught him how to love, and how to show his love. He thanked me for getting him to this point in his life. It felt so good to hear that after all this time. 

Helping someone else find love might be even better than finding love yourself. Allowing it to all come full circle to see the big picture God painted allows the heart to heal and the pain to make so much sense. It was all for a purpose. I helped him fulfill his purpose, and I know one day I’ll look back and thank him for helping me fulfill mine. 

When I finally decided to speak, I choked out THE question: “Is she pretty….what is she like?”

He began to describe her and I cried so hard. Not because I was jealous, but because I couldn’t wait for someone to describe me like that to someone. He told me about her features and her hobbies and how much he wanted it to work. I was heartbroken in the best way. 

I knew in that moment he had found her. I was his last stop before the love of his life. I don’t think he knows she’s the one, but I do. 

I also thanked him for showing me what I never wanted in a man. And I didn’t mean that in an ugly way, I am sincerely thankful that God gave me time with him to learn about love and learn about myself. I know if I got over him, I can get over anyone and patiently wait for the one I’ll never get over. 

I sincerely loved this guy at one point, and all the feelings were real, but I was so bitter towards him when it was over because of the pain he caused me. 

This year, I have learned how to apologize. And this was the first real apology I’ve received in a while. He meant every word he said with so much love and change and passion. I’ve never loved him more. 

I’ll never ever be in love with him again. Those feelings came and went and changed me forever. For me, once the “in love love” is gone, it never comes back. Even though I’ll never be in love with him again, he changed my mind about him that day. He became my friend again. I became so genuinely happy for him and this beautiful girl that I carefully stalked on social media. (I told him I approved and that she was his perfect match). 

So while I’ll never be in love with my ex boyfriend, I’ll always love him. 

At the end of the call, (it happened just like a movie), I said, “Thanks for calling,” and he said, “Thanks for picking up.”