I decided a long time ago that I wasn’t pretty enough.
I’ve probably spent most of my life thinking it honestly. During those awkward middle school years, I especially thought it because so many people told me I wasn’t.
I guess that carried with me forever because I’ve never, not one day ever, thought I was pretty enough. Sure I have felt pretty before. I have looked in the mirror and thought, “Wow. You’re kind of beautiful.” But that thought would soon be wiped away and my confidence stolen right out from under me by a comparison to someone else.
It doesn’t matter how pretty I look or feel, I know in the back of my mind someone, a lot of someones, out there are far prettier than me. It doesn’t matter in my twisted mind that I look totally different than anyone else and I have my unique qualities that are beautiful. I just compare myself to anyone and everyone who everyone thinks is beautiful.
It’s funny that we can see the unique, striking qualities about others that make them beautiful, but we can’t always seem them in ourselves.
It doesn’t matter how many compliments I receive or how many times people have told me I’m pretty, I won’t feel pretty enough.
I have decided many times that I’m not pretty enough for my dream career, I’m not pretty enough for a great boyfriend or husband, I’m not pretty enough to wear certain things, and I’m not pretty enough to go do so many things I want to do.
On Saturday, I went to visit some of my college friends, and I complained about myself the whole time. About my skin, my body, just about how “hideous” I was in general. That means I talked about myself more than I listened to them and talked about uplifting and glorifying things. That means I completely shamed a child of God.
On that Sunday, as I drove home feeling completely empty, I finally really realized that I really would never be pretty enough. And I accepted it with wide open arms and a screaming, crying heart.
No one will ever be pretty enough because what does that even mean? What IS “pretty enough?” Being “pretty” should not matter in deciding what to do for the day or for the rest of your life.
Following your heart in love, life, and work has absolutely nothing to do with what you look like. Now, that’s no reason to let yourself go and stop showering and dress like a slob, but you DO NOT have to look “perfect” in order to get what you want out of life. Let that sink in. Tape it to your mirror, repeat it every day, and do not let the thought enter your mind that you are not worthy of great things just because you don’t look like a supermodel.