At some point, every crazy ex-girlfriend was just a nice normal girl with a nice normal life…then she met that guy that literally drove her crazy.
You can say it will never happen to you, but it either has it or it will. Love has the power to make us do crazy things, even if that means just acting plain crazy.
Why though? Why do we go from normal and nice to a bit psychotic and deranged?
1. We care a lot and usually way too much.
Nice girls are used to giving 110 percent to anyone and everyone they care about: their parents, their friends, the homeless man on the street, and their significant others. So, they give a guy their whole heart and expect the same in return. When that doesn’t happen, they are devastated and it drives them crazy to think someone doesn’t reciprocate the complete devotion that they give.
2. We are optimistic and hopeful.
We are always expecting the best out of everyone and every situation. So, when we enter a new relationship, we think it will be magical and last forever. We seriously just can’t help it. We just aren’t realistic about really anything. So, when it ends like everyone around us told us it would, we are crushed. Mind, body, and soul. Crushed.
3. We are givers.
Giving is our game and we play it well. We love to give to the people we love. Whether it’s small surprises on the reg just to show how much we care or huge extravagant surprises to let our man know he’s the best, we just love to give. We eventually give until we can’t give anymore, and when we aren’t being given anything, we just run out of fuel and it breaks our little hearts.
4. We are over the top about life.
We just love to love and be alive and run around smiling and laughing and giving people flowers and being ridiculously annoying. We’re really just too much. Too much to handle and too much to deal with for a long time unless you just really love us and accept our ridiculous ways. That goes for when we’re sad too. We are dramatic and let the whole world know how sad we are, which makes us look pretty crazy. Sorry we’re dramatic and sorry we’re either way too happy or way too sad, but we seriously don’t know how to stop it.
5. Our emotions get the best of us.
We cry when we see two old people holding hands or one old person eating alone. We cry when we watch any and every movie with Rachel McAdams in it. We play out these romantic scenarios in our heads that will probably never even happen. We plan out our futures the moment we meet a guy. It’s ridiculous, we know, but just leave us alone. We can’t help we’re hopeless romantics.
6. We need affirmation.
We nice girls have to be reminded daily or ten times a day that we are beautiful, special, cool, loved, fun, neat, awesome, nice, etc. It doesn’t matter if you told us last week that you’ll love us forever, we need to be told now and later. Sorry, it’s the way our fragile little brains work. It doesn’t make us dumb or weird, it’s just how we function. Tell us we’re pretty. Tell us you love us. It’s not that hard. But, when weeks go by with no affirmation – yikes. Watch out. Because you’ve just unleashed an emotionally unstable monster.
7. We think everyone’s else’s brain works just like ours.
Nice, sweet girls just have this naive belief that everyone else in the world is nice and sweet too. It rocks our world to know that other people (mainly our significant other) aren’t always thinking of ways to make other people happy. War and violence? No way. Our boyfriend isn’t oozing with affection for us? You’re kidding! Naive and never understanding why that guy isn’t always thinking of ways to make us happy – that’s us. We’re sorry.
8. We don’t plan for goodbye.
“You can plan for a change in the weather and time, but I never planned on you changing your mind.” That’s a great quote from a great song, “Last Kiss,” by a great person, Taylor Swift. She hit the nail right on the head with that line. As a nice, sweet girl herself, Taylor is letting the world know how tragic it is when someone tells us goodbye because we just never thought it could happen. It’s not that we think that highly of ourselves, we just aren’t usually the ones that say goodbye. There are exceptions, sure, but for the most part, we are in it for the long haul with friends or boyfriends. We commit and we are buckled down and ready for forever. We like plans and boy do we hate when those plans get messed up. It’s hard for us to cope with someone throwing a wrench in our perfect plans, so we go a little bit nuts and bolts when a guy says goodbye and leaves us feeling all messed up and broken.
9. Love not war.
We are all about some love, no fighting. We don’t want to fight, we really don’t. Love makes us so happy, and no love makes us so sad. When we get into arguments with our significant other, we just want to say, “Okay let’s just not fight and let’s make up right now and pretend it never happened.” We don’t want to “give each other space” or “take time to think” because that does no good in our minds. We want it solved and we want it solved now. We want to just be happy and loving and we usually cause another fight because we won’t just give it a rest.
10. We just really do believe in love and happy endings.
We grew up being told of this Prince Charming dude that would come knocking on our doors. We bought into it and believed it wholeheartedly. We didn’t watch the Disney movie where the princess DIDN’T get the prince. So, when we meet someone who we think is here to rescue us from the fiery tower, imagine our surprise when he leaves us in the tower! How rude. We just want a fairytale, so when we get just the opposite, it’s hard for us to believe there’s someone else out there. We’ll get over it, we swear, but first, let us cry hysterically and post a super sappy tweet about love and broken hearts. Call us crazy, but it’s how we deal with Mr. Charming bailing.
So, next time you encounter a crazy ex-girlfriend, just remember, she was once (and still is) a nice, sweet, loving, optimistic soul that just wants some love. We know you aren’t the one, and that isn’t your fault. And she’ll figure that out too and send you some long, tender text six months after you break up about how she’s moved on and she’s thankful for what you taught her. And she means it. It makes her look even crazier, but just take it for what it is – a nice girl letting you know she isn’t as crazy as you told her friends she was.
And when you find that one that you will marry and love forevermore, chances are, she was a crazy ex-girlfriend one time too.
When did we start resting in insecurity and adapting to this way of life?
We have learned to deal with the comfort of no comfort in our own skin. It’s normal now. People get attention for not being insecure! That’s when you know there’s a problem – when the people that are standing up and saying “Hey I like being me” are getting put on magazines and featured in news stories. And hey, I think that is seriously awesome, but it makes me think – What is the world coming to if we have to pat people on the back for living the way everyone in the world should be living?
I’ll be the first to tell you it’s a struggle to be okay. Sometimes I’m okay, sometimes I’m not. And I have figured out that when I’m not, it is usually because I’m not okay with myself.
Social media gets blamed often for this sense of insecurity the population has adopted. I agree it has played a part, but we’ve been insecure for far longer than social media has been around. Social media just makes the comparisons and the self-loathing that much easier.
We scroll through our feeds and find 100 different people with a 100 different lives, looks, clothes, etc. we wish we had.
Newsflash – people don’t post their dirty laundry all over social media, they post all the clean, awesome laundry. So, everyone sees the good, not the bad. We have to stop comparing our bad with everyone else’s good. That’s not a fair playing field and it does nothing but completely wreck us and tear us down.
I’ve just gotten so accustomed to wishing for what others have. Now, instead of being really content with everything wonderful about myself and my life, I trick myself into contentment by saying, “Oh well, they’re just better than me, and there’s nothing I can do about it.”
What is “better?” Richer, prettier, skinnier, smarter, nicer? What makes someone “better” than someone else? I think that might differ with each person you ask, so there seriously is not an answer.
So giving up and throwing in the towel on being “better” is not the answer. Really being happy is the absolute only answer. And that is way easier said than done.
I’ve been trying to do it for 22 years. I haven’t been totally and completely happy with myself for 22 whole years. That’s a lot of time to not be okay with being me.
Don’t get me wrong, I am a generally happy person. I’m not walking around sad all the time. I usually push it out of my mind and say, “Ok here we go. You are who you are so just go take the day.” But that’s just the problem. I push it out of my mind and just decide to be insecure and be okay with insecure.
We as women and men have accepted insecurity instead of fighting it. We have to fight it, people. We have to be happy with the body, mind, and soul we were given because I assure you, and God promises you, that it’s just fine.
I don’t want to be okay with not being okay anymore. I want to be more than okay. I want to hit the ground running every single day, even if I have a breakout on my face, extra pounds on my stomach, and the least cute outfit in my closet.
No one posts pictures on social media of them in their least favorite shirt with a blemish on their face do they? Of course not. We are all too afraid to embrace the real us and then tell the world it’s fine to embrace us too.
Confidence is the key and it always has been. That doesn’t mean being conceited and putting everyone else down; it means walking confidently in the body and down the path God has created for you. He created both of those especially for you, and no one can ever take that away from you.
“Comparison is the thief of joy.” I have no idea who said this, but it’s the truth. The more you compare, the more you are unaware of your own blessings.
OK – So I started this post about a week ago and picked it back up very early this morning. While waiting in my car and typing it on my phone, I finished it up, kind of unhappy with how it had turned out, but I figured it was good enough. But, when I posted it, it hadn’t saved anything past the above paragraph.
I was so annoyed and couldn’t even remember everything I had just written. So, I wasn’t even going to post it. I decided it wasn’t that good and I wasn’t going to worry about it.
Then, after the series of events of my odd, “didn’t-go-as-planned-kind-of” day, I managed to make it to church. The lesson was ultimately about insecurity. Of course.
When I was writing this last week, I kept thinking “Oh, I need to write this with maybe just an underlying godly message…not too noticeable so that those who don’t agree with that will still relate.”
Then the preacher’s message stopped me dead in my tracks. There’s no reason for there to be an “underlying” message because I want it to be way out in the open. I want Christians and non-Christians alike to know exactly what I’m referring to.
This insecurity phenomenon that has taken over our hearts can only be solved by Jesus. By finding worth in Jesus. If we are finding worth in anything else, we are not doing it right.
Just because we don’t think highly of ourselves does not mean we are being humble. I probably think about myself more often because I dwell so much on my flaws. That is giving way too much attention to myself and not enough to Jesus and others around me.
The way we love ourselves spills over into how we love others. If we are in a constant stay of insecurity about ourselves, then what does that say about how secure we are about others? Are we seeing their souls or are we seeing their appearance and belongings because that’s what we hate about ourselves?
What are we focused on? When we settle into insecurity, we become securely settled into negative thoughts and actions. It’s inevitable.
The preacher asked what we saw when we looked in the mirror. Far too often, I see my flaws. I mean I even cry, yes cry, sometimes because I’m just so tired of the way I look.
That’s self-centered and rude. It’s rude because I’m beautiful. I’m beautiful because I’m a child of God.
That’s the first thing we should see when we look in the mirror. A beautiful son or daughter of the most high King. And that ain’t ugly.
So, we have to be done with this whole being secure in insecurity thing and absolutely kick insecurity in the face.
We have to live OUR specific journeys with OUR flaws and love OURselves while we do it. And the only way to do that is by recognizing who our security comes from. I’m telling you right now, it doesn’t come from Michael Kors or Tory Burch.
It comes from Jesus Christ.
And we have to stop accepting insecurity and accept that one truth right now. We have to do that for ourselves and for everyone we love.
It’s okay to not be perfect, but it’s not okay to not be okay with it.
So, don’t get too comfy in that insecurity. Take it off. Take it all off. And put on the love of Christ because that really is the best thing you’ll ever wear.