We’ve all gone through breakups. The heart-wrenching, never gonna love again, crying in your milkshake breakups.
But we get over them. Always. Every single time. There isn’t a breakup you can’t get over because there’s always something better waiting.
Scratch that. There is ONE breakup you will never get over, and that’s a friend breakup. It is the absolute worst and you can’t bounce back. There isn’t anything better waiting because there won’t ever be anything else like it.
Your girlfriends are your real soulmates. Sex and the City said so. They’re there when the boys break your hearts and the other girls hurt your feelings. They are the ones you call at 3 a.m. just because. And they won’t even think you’re needy or crazy.
Your girls know you. They really know you. Better than any man ever can. They know all the gross, weird things that you really cannot share with the world without being banned from society.
They have your back. When someone talks trash about you, they take up for you and make sure that person never utters a bad thing about you again.
I had a few close friends in high school that are still so close to my heart. I even have a best friend that I’ve been friends with since birth and we’ll never breakup. And then I found friends in college that are lifetime friends and sisters.
Throughout my 22 years here, I’ve met a lot of people, loved a lot of people, and lost a lot of people. The worst losses have been those of friends.
Now some friends are just meant to be your friends for a season, and you’re never not friends, you just don’t stay as close as you once were. You can always talk to them like you never lost touch, but they aren’t a part of your every day life. You talk once a month instead of every second of every Snapchat of every day, and that’s ok.
But there are friends that were supposed to be there forever, that were supposed to be your bridesmaids. When you lose them, you lose a lot.
Losing a best friend takes a toll on a girl far more than losing a boyfriend. A boyfriend can be replaced by a better, greater love – by the one that was meant for you. Friends can never be replaced.
Don’t get me wrong, I strongly believe you are exactly where you should be with exactly who you should be with right now, and that includes any and all friendships. But trying to find a friend to replace someone you spent almost all of your time with – it’s near impossible. There are inside jokes no one else will ever get and secrets you can’t tell another soul.
Each girlfriend is unique and irreplaceable. Each friend brings something to the table that no other person every can. You’ll have new friends and new inside jokes, but they just won’t be the same. They’ll be amazing, but not the same.
A very, very wise man once told me that there are several tiers of friends. There are convenient friends that you’re friends with based on your similar situations for the time being, there are work friends that you become friends with because of your job, there are fun friends that you just hang out with occasionally and have a blast with, and there are friends that are everything wrapped in one – and those are your soulmate friends.
When you find those soulmate friends, you have to hold on tighter than tight. Those people cannot slip away, or it cuts deeply – and honestly forever.
You’ll miss them and wish you could go back to the way things were, but you can’t. You can’t ever really go back. No one else can replace them, but they can’t even replace themselves. Once it’s tarnished, it won’t be the same.
I’m not talking about a little fight with your best friend/roommate or not talking to your best friend for a week. I’m talking about drifting so far away that you lose touch for good. Maybe you go in totally different directions in life and just don’t get each other anymore. It happens. People go through different things at different times, and there will be people that stick around even when you go through your freshman year of college during your senior year of college. But sometimes, it’s too hard for some to stick around, even if you were sure they’d never leave your side.
And maybe you weren’t there for them because you could only be there for you. The point is, once you disconnect for a while and no one makes the step to reconnect, it’s just almost a lost cause.
It’s something you have to accept and move on with. And sure you’ll still catch up from time to time and ask how they are and genuinely love them forever, but never again will they be your profile picture, group text, brunch date best friends.
In ten years, you’ll still miss them. You’ll have your best friends and your boyfriend/husband, but there will always be a little hole in your heart where those friends you broke up with once held strong. When someone takes up that much space in your heart, they’re bound to leave an even bigger space when they’re gone.
At least you’ll have the things they taught you about life, love, and friendship. Whether you learned from the good or the bad, you learned.
You have the memories and the pictures, but you’ll never have another friend exactly like the one you lost with the same personality or assets. A tub of ice cream won’t fix it and your mom can’t even fix it. It’s really probably the only thing your mom can’t fix – and that’s a huge deal.
But just know, they will always have an empty space too – where you once were. You have a personality and assets that made you their best friend, and they can’t replace that.
So when you look back at old pictures and wonder what went wrong, know that they’re doing the same.
And while you won’t ever get over it, while it’s the worst breakup you’ll ever have, you have to smile at the fact that while you and your friends grew apart, you grew up too. You grew into amazing women that have amazing lives, friends, families, jobs, etc.
The only sad part is that they won’t be sitting beside you to celebrate that wonderful life you’re living. But I bet they smile when they see your accomplishments and they’re happy to know you were once a part of each other’s lives.
There’s no coming back from a friend breakup, but there is accepting it and moving on.
You may get cheated on, left at the altar, or dumped in public, but nothing can ever top breaking up with your best friend.