If You’re Reading This

I think the highest form of flattery is to admire from afar…

You’re lying if you say you’ve never been an a secret admirer.

I don’t mean sending anonymous flowers or buying candy grahams in elementary school and signing them “Your Secret Admirer.” Although I guess if you did that, then kudos because that’s some real secret admirer stuff right there.

But if you’ve ever had a secret admirer, isn’t it the best feeling in the whole world? To know that someone thinks you’re really amazing and just can’t find the courage to tell you? To know that when someone sees you they get nervous and think you’re the greatest person in the room?

I think it’s up with there with some of the best feelings in the world. But how selfish to just be admired, don’t you admire someone? Or haven’t you before? Maybe it’s your significant other. But you had to have admired them before they were all yours.

We’ve all admired at least one person from afar at some point in our lives. It’s like it’s almost better to just keep it a secret than telling them how you really feel. Any time I’ve ever admitted admiration to someone, it’s ended pretty poorly. But keeping it a secret, now that’s never steered my wrong.

So, this is to my secret admiree. If you’re reading this, I’m embarrassed. If you’re reading this, I really am glad.

I’m really bad at this and that’s the number one reason I’ve never mentioned this to you. I have this thing where I really scare boys away. I’m a little too much and hey that’s ok.

For some reason, I’ve just always been pretty fascinated with you. You’re 110 percent way too cool for me and that’s ok. You’re really everything I’m not: chill, calm and collected, artistic, and so much more.

So I just decided we were too different. Then I would sometimes think, maybe that’s the key. Maybe we’re so different that it would work.

But I would quickly change my mind and just decide to keep it to myself…and to my friends of course.

The conversations we’ve had have always been severely awkward and severely awesome. I usually try to avoid you and that says a lot because I don’t avoid anyone. I’m annoying and talk to literally everyone, so avoiding you is quite a task.

It’s just all funny the way we came to know each other and the odd things that have happened. Like the universe wants us to hang out. I always just brush it off because, again, you’re way too cool for me.

I’m not the most confident person in the first place, but I might as well crawl under a rock if you get brought up. You make me nervous and just act like a total weirdo. But just know, I think you’re really great. You’re mysterious and I just always want to know more.

I think you’ll meet someone equally as cool as you and have a really cool life. And it’ll be ok that it’s not me because I’d hate to let you know and know that you don’t feel the same.

I’ll probably continue to admire you from afar until I meet my husband. I’ll keep sending my friends text and screenshots and all the other stalker-like things we girls do in this day and age. I’ll continue to think you’re extremely attractive and extremely unattainable.

It’s almost a little sad that I’ll never tell you, that you’ll never know. But some things are better left unsaid. Sometimes it’s great to just think about those things and smile and leave it at that.

If this makes me crazy, that’s ok. Because most people can’t read this without relating in some way or another, whether they admit it or not.

This is probably the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever written. But that’s what writing is for – to open up and say things you can’t say in person. And things other people would love to say and can’t.

So this if for everyone that’s ever been a secret admirer, and if you’re reading this, this was for you.

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